by: Ellen C. Caldwell
for The Billfold
While I was in graduate school, I was dating a boyfriend for almost five years. During the last year we were together, he was cheating on me. This also happened to be during a grueling time for me personally and physically. Besides the tedious nature of graduate school, I was also physically very sick. I was in and out of hospitals and doctors’ offices having invasive tests and procedures all while my ex lived a double life with his new girlfriend.
We finally broke up and I only put the pieces together a year after the breakup, making it somehow feel like six years of fucked up rather than the five it already was. I was so angry. Angry, hurt, livid, and scared. Scared that I could never trust a man the same way again. And more deeply, scared that I would never love in the same carefree way.
Thankfully, both those fears seem soft and distant now. In the aftermath of my realization, though, I did many things to distract myself, including but not limited to: drinking pink Prosecco and eating ice cream for dinner for at least the entire first week; going out dancing with friends — often, as often as possible; surrounding myself with friends including floor sleepovers at a couple friend’s house on more than one occasion; allowing myself time to wallow; and then allowing more wallowing time; vowing that I would not let this affect my future self; and promising to always love first, above all else. And then drinking more pink Prosecco…
Read the rest here at The Billfold.